Create Business Academy by Creatrix, Lauren Wallett | Business Coach for Entrepreneurs, International Business Coach, Feminist Business Coach, Best Business Coach Los Angeles
Maybe it’s insecurity or maybe it’s your internalized misogyny?
Here’s how my misogyny showed up:
Males won’t take you seriously if you’re sexy, so tone it down. No cleavage.
Males won’t think you’re smart if they know you were a model and actress. Only business.
Males will assume you’re available / for sale if you post bikini/lingerie pics. Don’t post them.
And why did I care what males thought? Because I grew up in a world where they were the bosses who hired my marketing agency. Money = power. So even though I wasn’t selling my body, I was selling them my brain, and it felt the same. And I was still treated like a prostitute. I hated it.
Today I know I’m not “asking for it” when I post what I like. Because I know that despite patriarchal opinion, I don’t exist for males viewing pleasure. I exist for my own pleasure. I love beauty and glamour and indulgence. Self-expression is the life of an artist. And LIVING is an art form. Choosing pleasure is a gift I get to celebrate and share. For me, self-expression is the highest form of freedom.
I got to de-centralize males from my life’s narrative. I got to center myself.
I hope all women get to feel life’s sensual pleasures without fear of attack. To get naked and eat pizza without fear of judgment – least of all their own.
Everything has been co-opted by the patriarch, so it’s tricky to figure out who something is for. Here’s a shortcut – if you assume it’s for males – that’s internalized misogyny. Make your own money and you’ll realize – it isn’t.
The moment you no longer need a male to provide for you is the moment you’re free, romantically, and in business.
[Side note] Ever wondered if being called a female is derogatory? Referred to by my your anatomy… try referring to men as males.
How do you overcome internalized misogyny?
Question everything. Ask yourself where your ideas come from. Instead of assuming “that’s how it goes”, allow yourself to imagine alternative possibilities. And then re-imagine. This can bring up a lot of feelings because you realize that you’ve accepted things that aren’t acceptable. So before you allow yourself to imagine, you’ll need to stop beating yourself up by being hard on yourself and shaming yourself.
When I beat myself with a shame stick for something I’m feeling, the pain is worse, and I’m paralyzed to move forward.
As a person who’s never felt safe to feel, I thought feelings were a luxury I couldn’t afford.
Sometimes allowing myself to feel is hard to do. It becomes impossible when I add shame into the mix. I’ll feel lonely, disappointed, or devastated and then shame myself for having the feeling at all. When I’m feeling bad about feeling, I know I’m beating myself up with a shame stick. And I get support.
Shame stifles me and stops me from growing. Shame shows up when I slip back into survival mode. I know I’m in survival mode when I don’t want to feel. This happened when I re-wrote my business book. Shame struck me down with insidious thoughts like:
- What am I saying?
- Does anyone need to read this?
- Hasn’t this all been said before by someone more studied than me?
- Who am I to write about this stuff?
- Am I always living the Creatrix dream?
I know that if it’s not feeling light-hearted; I don’t push myself through. Beating yourself down when you’re already feeling anxious or depressed is sadomasochism and we’re not doing BDSM.
A reimagined business is all about pleasure, so if it’s not feeling good, it’s a sign that it’s time to get back up and support. The magic of interdependence is the essence of what Business Reimagined is all about.
You don’t need all the answers to start. Let your questions guide you to imagine your dream outcome.
Wanting a solution isn’t the same as imagining what could be. We live in a technicolor multi-verse. You’re more than just one thing and your answers are multifaceted too.
Imagination is your key to creative living. And creativity is the answer to every question you have.
Maybe it’s insecurity, maybe it’s internalized misogyny?Lauren Wallett
A last idea on fear. Ask yourself if the burden that’s weighing you down is yours to carry?
Intrusive thoughts like:
- I don’t have the looks (or the right look)
- I need to lose weight first
- I need a better fashion style
- My hair is too thin/thick
– Anything related to your physical appearance
- I’m too old
- I’m too young
– Anything age-related
- I’m not interesting enough
- I’m too much
- I don’t have what it takes
- Nothing is enough for me
Anything related to “how” you think you are – is probably a lie they have sold you from the Patriarchy. And it’s inherently misogynistic. Internalized misogyny isn’t gender-based. The most outrageous idea patriarchy has sold is that creativity is feminine.
I’m not Creative
If you think you’re not creative, it’s internalized misogyny. Creative is literally who you are. Everything you do and every choice you make is creative. When you remember that, you can get more conscious about your choices. You’ll start questioning your choices:
- Is there a more interesting choice to make?
- How could I be more expressive?
- What would a more creative option be?
- Where did that choice come from?
Well done, you’ve just tapped into your imagination. Because you’re creative. *Drops mic* Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
Get yourself a copy of my business book, Love Play Magic: Business Reimagined HERE.
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